On Sincere Reflections (Sad and Happy, High and Low) During My Final Week in New York City or Gas is $1.89 at Home, Fuck Yeah!

Alright, so I won't go into some lengthy explanation of why it has taken me oh so long to update this blog and simply leave it at this. I WAS BUSY GODDAMMIT! REALLY BUSY! GOD! DAMN! BUSY! There, that explains things quite effectively methinks. For the expletive sensitive reader among you, I'm sorry for the stream of GD's. It's just that I haven't gotten to swear digitally in some time and it was sort of cathartic to get a few out there right off the bat. Anywhoodle...

With all of that well out of the way I can begin this post with a clear conscience. It's here! It has finally/regretfully arrived! My last week in NYC. I say finally/regretfully because I'm facing this stage in my life with quite mixed emotions. For one, New York is da bomb and I have really enjoyed my time here and will be honestly sad to leave it's monuments in concrete and steel. On the other hand, I miss California pretty bad. Friends, family, a certain young lady, pets, cars, smog, Christmas, heat, the sun, freeways, toll-ways, five dollar packs of cigarettes, graduating from college, Carl's Junior, Del Taco, the Hat, Jack in the Box, Arby's, INO (basically I miss all Ca. fast food more than my family. Just kidding. Kinda) and a slew of other things keep me quite excited about my homecoming. But despite how appealing all that stuff sounds part of me is hesitant. I guess I've just really made this place home in the last four months. This city and me are a great pair and fit together quite nicely. We've bonded. The last week has been a little rough, as weeks in the city often are, and I began to long for home with zeal. Yet, as this moment in time draws near I am having a slightly different response than what was to be expected. But alas, the time to leave has approached and a new dawn rises, a California dawn.

So turning to new things, with the bright lights of the city slowly fading in the periphery of my mind, I've decided to compile a list of the highlights and low-lights of the experience I've accrued in this urban jungle. In remembrance of my viewing of High Fidelity recently I've decided I'll make these "Top Five" lists. Here goes nothing.

"Top Five Great Highlights of Being in New York CIty, 2008"

5. When my girlfriend kicked a man who turned out to be Jay O. Sanders, better known as Ranch Wilder from Angels in the Outfield, on the subway. Upon this realization I proceeded to lose it completely. I couldn't believe it! Me, sitting across from Ranch! Ranch Wilder! "There's no way Chris is going to believe this," I thought out loud. This emotion however was quickly subdued when I remembered that he slid "spikes up" into Danny Glover's knee when they were in the miners and I realized I couldn't respect anybody who would commit such an cruel and blatant crime. I then remembered that Melody kicked him and I let out a silent sigh of relief. He had gotten what he deserved, swift vengeance.

4. Getting caught in a torrential downpour, more like a monsoon, on Lauren's 21st birthday. For one Leah was here which makes things awesome in general, and two we got nailed by this storm out of nowhere. We were all completely unprepared and spent a solid half an hour unprotected in the elements before deciding to head for shelter. We laughed, jumped, yelled, and I screamed my new catch phrase, "This is my city!" to the soggy night air. This was an exceptionally funny night because we invited my socially awkward, half Persian half leprechaun, roommate Ario along. He was not so excited about our plight and proceeded to complain quite a bit. (Now I realize that this may seem like a low-light moment but believe me it was really quite hilarious and enjoyable.) He took a step out of the subway and was instantly turned into a drowned rat. This was both our first and last hangout. Hilarious!!!

3. Seeing Jason Scwartzman in a cafe a block away from home and giving him a solid thumbs up. He had a hearty laugh and returned to his lentil soup only to turn around and chuckle again. So nice he laughed twice. I think we'll be great friends.

2. Spending a weekend in the city with my lovely girlfriend. We nearly froze to death walking around and I'm pretty positive that I got frostbite in central park but it was well worth it. I also had a beard for this visit which was AWESOME! (Sidebar, I still have said beard and it is still AWESOME!)

1. Having Pierre Bernard sit next to me on the subway, pissed, and reading a Stargate SG1 book. Many of you sentimentalists out there may be wondering, "How in the Hell does a Pierre sighting rank higher than a weekend with the girl?" It's all in the details friends. Let's say I had merely seen Pierre Bernard walking down the street. Consider perhaps that he just happened to sit next to me on the subway and that was all. Now such an experience would rank significantly lower, a position around 4 or 5. But that's simply not what happened. It was hardly so mundane. The fact of the matter is he didn't just sit next to me on the train, he dropped into his seat like a ton of bricks, looked over, was obviously furiously full of rage, and then looked back down at his SG1 book and proceeded to read it while huffing and puffing in his fury. Coincidence? I think not? Proof of God's existence? Duh! Peak position? I rest my case...

Now on to the "Top 5 Terrible Low-Lights of Being in New York City, 2008"

5. The fact that the election of Barak Obama was terrible here in New York has nothing to do with politics or even politicians. I mean I was intentionally indifferent going into this election but found myself pulling for Barak for history's sake. My position on the political spectrum is basically not at all on the political spectrum. So needless to say it was hard for me to nail down solid support for either candidates. No it wasn't horrible because Barak won, rather it was horrible because of the students living in my building. They decided to basically riot after the announcement was made. Thousands of students poured through the halls and into the streets, screaming bloody murder. This led to police being called which in turn led to sirens and bullhorns for hours, which finally led to my not getting any sleep. Miserable. It was less surprising that an African American was elected president of the U.S. then it was to see kids I thought were illiterate cavemen become so excited by politics. You'd think they made pot legal. Oh wait... I just solved the mystery, they think he'll make pot legal.

4. I saw the first ever Denali reunion show which one would think would be a definite positive. The show was great, but paying for it twice wasn't. I was meeting Donnie and Jon there under the assumption that the show started at 8. I bought my ticket and entered only to receive a call from Don informing me that the opener didn't even go on until 11. So I went out. No ins and outs. Bummed out. I then noticed that I had lost my cigarettes. They had fallen out of my pocket on the subway. Upon this realization I discovered that I had also lost my subway card which I needed to get home. Rock bottom? Bought another ticket for the show at a whopping 17.50 later. Left bought an $81 Metro card. Good thing Maura Davis was a fox or I would have put a bullet in my head for sures. Alas I did not.

3. Somehow this girl that works at the local Starbuck's got a strange crush/infatuation on/with me. I tried to be nice but she got more abrasive and creepy. She now somehow appears everywhere I go, like a lion out of the savannah tall grass. I thus have to sneak up to the window and scope it out to make sure she isn't working before I go into Buck's and try and get an Americano.

2. The other day was one of the worst days of my life let alone in New York. I ran around trying to get my photos for my art show printed and ended up having to go back and forth between my studio and B and H Photo 4 times. It cost me 95 bucks to print my pictures and they turned out terrible, unusable even. It was raining and my cigarette broke in half. I decided that a nice Subway sandwich would brighten my spirits. So I purchased a five dollar foot long and began the trek back to my room. En route a taxi pulled over and hit a puddle sending a tidal wave of gutter water crashing down upon me. I didn't even think that actually could happen. It's so cinematic, so cliche. But I was wrong, it does and did happen, to me. It couldn't have gotten much worse than that I think. At least the plastic bag covering my sandwich did its job, keeping my food dry so that a soggy human didn't have to eat a soggy meal. Thank God for plastic.

1. Low-lights one and five have a few things in common. One is massive amounts of idiotic people and two is Barak Obama. HALLOWEEN IN NEW YORK IS SOOOO LAME. Josh, Claire, the Laurens and I went to catch a bit of the parade which seemed like a bad idea to begin with. Countless people participating in near nude debauchery just isn't my bag. However, Josh and I were lured by the prospects of millions of pieces of free candy. We envisioned people on floats with air cannons launching candy by the fistful into the crowd not unlike cheerleaders launching t-shirts into the crowd at some sporting event. WARNING: The Halloween Parade in NYC is a completely candy free. I Oh, there's plenty of disease, but absolutely no candy. REPEAT, NO CANDY! With Josh and my sugary dreams dashed upon the rocks we decided to return home, quite depressed. Then a certain sound began to ring in my ear, steel drums. This is one of my favorite instruments because its perpetual lively and happy sound, and so understandably I put my faith in these percussionists to cheer me up. A crowd began to gather and followed the marching musicians when out of nowhere they all started chanting "Obama! Obama! Obama!" to the steel drums in unison. Again it wasn't the fact that they were shouting Obama's name but that they were shouting about politics at all. If there's one thing that I can think of that Halloween isn't about it's politics. What it is about is candy. IT'S ALL ABOUT CANDY DAMMIT! And I got none. What I did get was a mobile Caribbean themed Obama rally.

So there you have it. The "Top 5's" of the good and the bad. Honestly this will probably be the last post made while I'm here. My parents arrive the day after tomorrow (which is AWESOME!) and then I leave in a week. Fear not though comrades, this blog doesn't exist in a vacuum, it spans all locations and times, hence it shant be laid to rest just yet.

Until next time kids and kitties (via California)...