Ok, so I know that I haven't exactly "updated" this blog "regularly", but hey I'm in a transition period folks. Getting older, getting taller (not really, which is a real drag) and graduating college. Which brings me to the purpose of this post...
I'M IN AFRICA SUCKERS!!!!
So with all that said, I will not be posting on "this" blog for the next month and a half. Instead, you can look forward (or dread) my posting on this other blog... kitaleleadershipinstitute.blogspot.com
That's all for now friends. I miss all of you (both in terms of my seeing you and in terms of you reading my blog) but hey August 20th is not too far off. And rest assured I'll be back to full-blog-ahead when I return.
Over and out.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
On Certain Amounts of Confusion Regarding the Previous Post
I don't hate or even not like my Santa Barbarian friends, quite the contrary actually. I guess what is happening is a new and quite sizable amount of uncertainty regarding the future (considering my recent graduation from college) and a longing for the comfortable and familiar in this time. However, that sonnovabitch drano sink of death is still a very real adversary of mine. That shit ain't a joke, son. He's going down... literally... down the soon to be unclogged drain.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
On the Prodigal Son Returning or My Time Amongst the Whores
The title of this blog may or may not be somewhat confusing. For one, no, I have not been spending any time around literal prostitutes recently (at least to my knowledge, unless of course the hookers have gotten in the habit of leaving their corners, dressing like you and me, and hanging out at Starbucks for obscene amounts of time. It's more of a metaphor for A. my time spent away from this blog and B. my time away from my friends and family at home.
Again, are my friends here (Santa Barbara) whores? No, not really. It's just that they engage in some lifestyle choices that are beyond my sphere of interest. I would liken it (and will) to the parable of the prodigal son, if let's say the son went away without his inheritance (I'm broke) and he wasn't at all morally deficient (like instead of having casual sex with prostitutes he was forced to just hang out with them for extended periods of time). I guess that's kind of what my situation is like except now that I have graduated and am required to remain in SB for mayterm classes, I have been forced to move into the lions den. So then, the prodigal son moved beyond frequent hangouts to roommate status. Also, when he was asleep there was a clogged sink filled to the brim with either A.) moldy water (Can water mold? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT CAN!) or B. ineffective drano mixed with moldy water. Let's just assume that both of these options make it extremely difficult to sleep or be healthy in any way. So, that's where I'm at.
But hey, on the up side, I leave for Kenya in one month and then I will be rid of the cancer that is Santa Barbara for good.
Ok, my SB friends are not cancer, but like maybe shingles, treatable and just slightly irritating. Ok maybe shingles is still a little harsh (as it often comes paired with meningitis. Can you say spinal tap? Yes... spinal tap). No, they are more like a pretty bad bite from your garden variety spider. Yeah. A pet spider perhaps, that you love but sometimes it bites you. And then it's annoying but when the bite goes away you like it again, only to repeat the cycle. Perfect analogy... ENGAGE!!!!
Actually, I'm being a damn big baby. I have a month left in this town (and country for that matter) and I think I can manage. Ok bootstraps, consider yourselves picked up.
Again, are my friends here (Santa Barbara) whores? No, not really. It's just that they engage in some lifestyle choices that are beyond my sphere of interest. I would liken it (and will) to the parable of the prodigal son, if let's say the son went away without his inheritance (I'm broke) and he wasn't at all morally deficient (like instead of having casual sex with prostitutes he was forced to just hang out with them for extended periods of time). I guess that's kind of what my situation is like except now that I have graduated and am required to remain in SB for mayterm classes, I have been forced to move into the lions den. So then, the prodigal son moved beyond frequent hangouts to roommate status. Also, when he was asleep there was a clogged sink filled to the brim with either A.) moldy water (Can water mold? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT CAN!) or B. ineffective drano mixed with moldy water. Let's just assume that both of these options make it extremely difficult to sleep or be healthy in any way. So, that's where I'm at.
But hey, on the up side, I leave for Kenya in one month and then I will be rid of the cancer that is Santa Barbara for good.
Ok, my SB friends are not cancer, but like maybe shingles, treatable and just slightly irritating. Ok maybe shingles is still a little harsh (as it often comes paired with meningitis. Can you say spinal tap? Yes... spinal tap). No, they are more like a pretty bad bite from your garden variety spider. Yeah. A pet spider perhaps, that you love but sometimes it bites you. And then it's annoying but when the bite goes away you like it again, only to repeat the cycle. Perfect analogy... ENGAGE!!!!
Actually, I'm being a damn big baby. I have a month left in this town (and country for that matter) and I think I can manage. Ok bootstraps, consider yourselves picked up.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
On Why I Hate the Holiday Season or My Own Top 20 Records of 2008!
So this is officially the first post since my return from New York. I'll spare you all the lengthy explanations of my feelings upon my arrival and just say, "Goddam, it sure is great to be home!" Seriously I missed all the old haunts so badly. I mean, I always thought that I appreciated my friends more than most, considering that I suffer from a type of separation anxiety when it comes to them. Still, it takes an inability to see the people you care most about to truly give you a sense of perspective.
Oh yeah, Chris is back bitch!*
*If you are a female reading this, rest assured the previous "bitch" was in no way an attack on your femininity. I'm no sexist! It actually has nothing to do with the female gender at all and is no way an assault on the fact that some humans, girls, may have vaginas. (Tranny?) No, it's merely a well placed swear word to show emphasis on my excitement about my reunion with my brother.
Anywhoodle... Now on to more negative and pessimistic things!
Don't get me wrong, I love the actual holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Thanksgiving is a day completely devoted to my two favorite deadly sins, gluttony and sloth. Then the Lord is born on Christmas, leading to the atonement for my previous sins, and I am given a fresh start with New Years. Basically, the holidays make me feel great. Sure there's the whole: family, hope, love through the giving of gifts, peace on earth and goodwill towards men, mumbo jumbo (which are all great). But if there's one thing I truly love it's my own personal happiness, thus the holidays rule!!
Or do they?
See the thing I hate about this winding down of the year, if you will, is the year end lists that start popping up in musical publications. Whether you're reading Paste or Spin or even browsing the "all powerful" pitchforkmedia.com, everybody wants to sell you on what they thought was "the best" of the closing year. The problem is that their opinions of what is good are completely stupid. The Jonas Brothers couldn't possibly have one of the top 50 records of the year. Just because tweens get all sorts of wet because of their flowing locks, their faux vintage style, and their prepubescent features doesn't mean that their music has any validity or business being called "the best" of anything except the best record to make me want to start my car in my garage with all the doors shut. I mean girls swooned over the Beatles, but they actually created good, new, and innovative pop music deserving of the praise it received. I mean if you can create something as artful as the White Album, I can't fault you for making girls pass out at the mere sight of you, hey man my hat's off to you. Come find me when the Jo Bros start dropping acid and writing music while experimenting with psychedelics, then we'll talk Rolling Stone. As you can probably tell, my animosity towards these lists (and "crappy" pop acts) has been simmering bellow surface for some time now, but this year, 2008, really made that hot liquid squirt out all over the place... just like Yellowstone National Park's ol' Faithful. Rolling Stone Magazine was the worst. I must admit I had lost almost all faith in the publication regardless of it's year end lists, but this years "Best 50 Album of 2008" really hammered the last nail in the coffin (see above Jonas Brothers tirade). I mean come on! My Morning Jacket's Evil Urges at number FOUR? That record sucked, HARD! The Kings of Leon's new TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT RECORD in the top twenty?!? Daaaaa Fuck? Don't even get me started on the robodump "Viva la Vida" at number 7. Come on RS you once stood for something, held validity and all. Amazing bands (the Beatles?) once dreamed of gracing your cover, which is now reserved for the likes of half naked turbo skanks such as Britney and Christina or the Fall Out Bastards, basically the scourge of the universe.
So how will I set things right? By giving you my "real" and "unforgiving" top 20 of 2008. This list will be based solely on what I think sounds awesome. Rest assured it will not be swayed by commercial appeal or accessibility. No, this is a completely narrow list of what I like and you should like too. Am I simply becoming a part of the machine that I am criticizing? Yes I am, a better part. Am I a hypocrite? Probably. But a hypocrite that cares.
Sidenote- Though this list has a number scale it has very little to do with how good these albums are in relationship to each other. Long story short, the following is a list of new records that really kicked my ass this year. I hope this isn't too confusing.
20. Deerhunter - Microcastle/ Weird Era Cont
19. Dr. Dog - Fate
18. Boris - Smile (Japanese Version)
17. Fleet Foxes - Sun Giant EP/Fleet Foxes
16. Danielson - Trying Hartz
15. Deerhoof - Offend Maggie
14. The Music Tapes - For Clouds and Tornadoes
13. Destroyer - Trouble in Dreams
12. No Age - Nouns
11. Times New Viking - Rip It Off
10. Beach House - Devotion
9. Bonnie "Prince" Billy - Lie Down in the Light
8. The Ruby Suns - Sea Lion
7. Sun Kil Moon - April
6. Brightblack Morning Light - Motion to Rejoin
5. Abe Vigoda - Skeleton
4. Mount Eerie - Black Wooden Ceiling Opening
3. Mount Eerie - Lost Wisdom
2. Department of Eagles - In Ear Park
1. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
Sure, the new Animal Collective doesn't actually drop till the sixth of January, technically making it a 2009 release. But hey this is my list, my blog, my rules dammit. So there... bitch!
P.S. This post is angrier and more aggressive than most just because of the topic it deals with. In summation, if certain vulgarities catch you off guard or offend you well... I'm not sorry... but at least you now know why I used them. I still love the Lord, I promise.
Oh yeah, Chris is back bitch!*
*If you are a female reading this, rest assured the previous "bitch" was in no way an attack on your femininity. I'm no sexist! It actually has nothing to do with the female gender at all and is no way an assault on the fact that some humans, girls, may have vaginas. (Tranny?) No, it's merely a well placed swear word to show emphasis on my excitement about my reunion with my brother.
Anywhoodle... Now on to more negative and pessimistic things!
Don't get me wrong, I love the actual holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Thanksgiving is a day completely devoted to my two favorite deadly sins, gluttony and sloth. Then the Lord is born on Christmas, leading to the atonement for my previous sins, and I am given a fresh start with New Years. Basically, the holidays make me feel great. Sure there's the whole: family, hope, love through the giving of gifts, peace on earth and goodwill towards men, mumbo jumbo (which are all great). But if there's one thing I truly love it's my own personal happiness, thus the holidays rule!!
Or do they?
See the thing I hate about this winding down of the year, if you will, is the year end lists that start popping up in musical publications. Whether you're reading Paste or Spin or even browsing the "all powerful" pitchforkmedia.com, everybody wants to sell you on what they thought was "the best" of the closing year. The problem is that their opinions of what is good are completely stupid. The Jonas Brothers couldn't possibly have one of the top 50 records of the year. Just because tweens get all sorts of wet because of their flowing locks, their faux vintage style, and their prepubescent features doesn't mean that their music has any validity or business being called "the best" of anything except the best record to make me want to start my car in my garage with all the doors shut. I mean girls swooned over the Beatles, but they actually created good, new, and innovative pop music deserving of the praise it received. I mean if you can create something as artful as the White Album, I can't fault you for making girls pass out at the mere sight of you, hey man my hat's off to you. Come find me when the Jo Bros start dropping acid and writing music while experimenting with psychedelics, then we'll talk Rolling Stone. As you can probably tell, my animosity towards these lists (and "crappy" pop acts) has been simmering bellow surface for some time now, but this year, 2008, really made that hot liquid squirt out all over the place... just like Yellowstone National Park's ol' Faithful. Rolling Stone Magazine was the worst. I must admit I had lost almost all faith in the publication regardless of it's year end lists, but this years "Best 50 Album of 2008" really hammered the last nail in the coffin (see above Jonas Brothers tirade). I mean come on! My Morning Jacket's Evil Urges at number FOUR? That record sucked, HARD! The Kings of Leon's new TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT RECORD in the top twenty?!? Daaaaa Fuck? Don't even get me started on the robodump "Viva la Vida" at number 7. Come on RS you once stood for something, held validity and all. Amazing bands (the Beatles?) once dreamed of gracing your cover, which is now reserved for the likes of half naked turbo skanks such as Britney and Christina or the Fall Out Bastards, basically the scourge of the universe.
So how will I set things right? By giving you my "real" and "unforgiving" top 20 of 2008. This list will be based solely on what I think sounds awesome. Rest assured it will not be swayed by commercial appeal or accessibility. No, this is a completely narrow list of what I like and you should like too. Am I simply becoming a part of the machine that I am criticizing? Yes I am, a better part. Am I a hypocrite? Probably. But a hypocrite that cares.
Sidenote- Though this list has a number scale it has very little to do with how good these albums are in relationship to each other. Long story short, the following is a list of new records that really kicked my ass this year. I hope this isn't too confusing.
20. Deerhunter - Microcastle/ Weird Era Cont
19. Dr. Dog - Fate
18. Boris - Smile (Japanese Version)
17. Fleet Foxes - Sun Giant EP/Fleet Foxes
16. Danielson - Trying Hartz
15. Deerhoof - Offend Maggie
14. The Music Tapes - For Clouds and Tornadoes
13. Destroyer - Trouble in Dreams
12. No Age - Nouns
11. Times New Viking - Rip It Off
10. Beach House - Devotion
9. Bonnie "Prince" Billy - Lie Down in the Light
8. The Ruby Suns - Sea Lion
7. Sun Kil Moon - April
6. Brightblack Morning Light - Motion to Rejoin
5. Abe Vigoda - Skeleton
4. Mount Eerie - Black Wooden Ceiling Opening
3. Mount Eerie - Lost Wisdom
2. Department of Eagles - In Ear Park
1. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion
Sure, the new Animal Collective doesn't actually drop till the sixth of January, technically making it a 2009 release. But hey this is my list, my blog, my rules dammit. So there... bitch!
P.S. This post is angrier and more aggressive than most just because of the topic it deals with. In summation, if certain vulgarities catch you off guard or offend you well... I'm not sorry... but at least you now know why I used them. I still love the Lord, I promise.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
On Sincere Reflections (Sad and Happy, High and Low) During My Final Week in New York City or Gas is $1.89 at Home, Fuck Yeah!
Alright, so I won't go into some lengthy explanation of why it has taken me oh so long to update this blog and simply leave it at this. I WAS BUSY GODDAMMIT! REALLY BUSY! GOD! DAMN! BUSY! There, that explains things quite effectively methinks. For the expletive sensitive reader among you, I'm sorry for the stream of GD's. It's just that I haven't gotten to swear digitally in some time and it was sort of cathartic to get a few out there right off the bat. Anywhoodle...
With all of that well out of the way I can begin this post with a clear conscience. It's here! It has finally/regretfully arrived! My last week in NYC. I say finally/regretfully because I'm facing this stage in my life with quite mixed emotions. For one, New York is da bomb and I have really enjoyed my time here and will be honestly sad to leave it's monuments in concrete and steel. On the other hand, I miss California pretty bad. Friends, family, a certain young lady, pets, cars, smog, Christmas, heat, the sun, freeways, toll-ways, five dollar packs of cigarettes, graduating from college, Carl's Junior, Del Taco, the Hat, Jack in the Box, Arby's, INO (basically I miss all Ca. fast food more than my family. Just kidding. Kinda) and a slew of other things keep me quite excited about my homecoming. But despite how appealing all that stuff sounds part of me is hesitant. I guess I've just really made this place home in the last four months. This city and me are a great pair and fit together quite nicely. We've bonded. The last week has been a little rough, as weeks in the city often are, and I began to long for home with zeal. Yet, as this moment in time draws near I am having a slightly different response than what was to be expected. But alas, the time to leave has approached and a new dawn rises, a California dawn.
So turning to new things, with the bright lights of the city slowly fading in the periphery of my mind, I've decided to compile a list of the highlights and low-lights of the experience I've accrued in this urban jungle. In remembrance of my viewing of High Fidelity recently I've decided I'll make these "Top Five" lists. Here goes nothing.
"Top Five Great Highlights of Being in New York CIty, 2008"
5. When my girlfriend kicked a man who turned out to be Jay O. Sanders, better known as Ranch Wilder from Angels in the Outfield, on the subway. Upon this realization I proceeded to lose it completely. I couldn't believe it! Me, sitting across from Ranch! Ranch Wilder! "There's no way Chris is going to believe this," I thought out loud. This emotion however was quickly subdued when I remembered that he slid "spikes up" into Danny Glover's knee when they were in the miners and I realized I couldn't respect anybody who would commit such an cruel and blatant crime. I then remembered that Melody kicked him and I let out a silent sigh of relief. He had gotten what he deserved, swift vengeance.
4. Getting caught in a torrential downpour, more like a monsoon, on Lauren's 21st birthday. For one Leah was here which makes things awesome in general, and two we got nailed by this storm out of nowhere. We were all completely unprepared and spent a solid half an hour unprotected in the elements before deciding to head for shelter. We laughed, jumped, yelled, and I screamed my new catch phrase, "This is my city!" to the soggy night air. This was an exceptionally funny night because we invited my socially awkward, half Persian half leprechaun, roommate Ario along. He was not so excited about our plight and proceeded to complain quite a bit. (Now I realize that this may seem like a low-light moment but believe me it was really quite hilarious and enjoyable.) He took a step out of the subway and was instantly turned into a drowned rat. This was both our first and last hangout. Hilarious!!!
3. Seeing Jason Scwartzman in a cafe a block away from home and giving him a solid thumbs up. He had a hearty laugh and returned to his lentil soup only to turn around and chuckle again. So nice he laughed twice. I think we'll be great friends.
2. Spending a weekend in the city with my lovely girlfriend. We nearly froze to death walking around and I'm pretty positive that I got frostbite in central park but it was well worth it. I also had a beard for this visit which was AWESOME! (Sidebar, I still have said beard and it is still AWESOME!)
1. Having Pierre Bernard sit next to me on the subway, pissed, and reading a Stargate SG1 book. Many of you sentimentalists out there may be wondering, "How in the Hell does a Pierre sighting rank higher than a weekend with the girl?" It's all in the details friends. Let's say I had merely seen Pierre Bernard walking down the street. Consider perhaps that he just happened to sit next to me on the subway and that was all. Now such an experience would rank significantly lower, a position around 4 or 5. But that's simply not what happened. It was hardly so mundane. The fact of the matter is he didn't just sit next to me on the train, he dropped into his seat like a ton of bricks, looked over, was obviously furiously full of rage, and then looked back down at his SG1 book and proceeded to read it while huffing and puffing in his fury. Coincidence? I think not? Proof of God's existence? Duh! Peak position? I rest my case...
Now on to the "Top 5 Terrible Low-Lights of Being in New York City, 2008"
5. The fact that the election of Barak Obama was terrible here in New York has nothing to do with politics or even politicians. I mean I was intentionally indifferent going into this election but found myself pulling for Barak for history's sake. My position on the political spectrum is basically not at all on the political spectrum. So needless to say it was hard for me to nail down solid support for either candidates. No it wasn't horrible because Barak won, rather it was horrible because of the students living in my building. They decided to basically riot after the announcement was made. Thousands of students poured through the halls and into the streets, screaming bloody murder. This led to police being called which in turn led to sirens and bullhorns for hours, which finally led to my not getting any sleep. Miserable. It was less surprising that an African American was elected president of the U.S. then it was to see kids I thought were illiterate cavemen become so excited by politics. You'd think they made pot legal. Oh wait... I just solved the mystery, they think he'll make pot legal.
4. I saw the first ever Denali reunion show which one would think would be a definite positive. The show was great, but paying for it twice wasn't. I was meeting Donnie and Jon there under the assumption that the show started at 8. I bought my ticket and entered only to receive a call from Don informing me that the opener didn't even go on until 11. So I went out. No ins and outs. Bummed out. I then noticed that I had lost my cigarettes. They had fallen out of my pocket on the subway. Upon this realization I discovered that I had also lost my subway card which I needed to get home. Rock bottom? Bought another ticket for the show at a whopping 17.50 later. Left bought an $81 Metro card. Good thing Maura Davis was a fox or I would have put a bullet in my head for sures. Alas I did not.
3. Somehow this girl that works at the local Starbuck's got a strange crush/infatuation on/with me. I tried to be nice but she got more abrasive and creepy. She now somehow appears everywhere I go, like a lion out of the savannah tall grass. I thus have to sneak up to the window and scope it out to make sure she isn't working before I go into Buck's and try and get an Americano.
2. The other day was one of the worst days of my life let alone in New York. I ran around trying to get my photos for my art show printed and ended up having to go back and forth between my studio and B and H Photo 4 times. It cost me 95 bucks to print my pictures and they turned out terrible, unusable even. It was raining and my cigarette broke in half. I decided that a nice Subway sandwich would brighten my spirits. So I purchased a five dollar foot long and began the trek back to my room. En route a taxi pulled over and hit a puddle sending a tidal wave of gutter water crashing down upon me. I didn't even think that actually could happen. It's so cinematic, so cliche. But I was wrong, it does and did happen, to me. It couldn't have gotten much worse than that I think. At least the plastic bag covering my sandwich did its job, keeping my food dry so that a soggy human didn't have to eat a soggy meal. Thank God for plastic.
1. Low-lights one and five have a few things in common. One is massive amounts of idiotic people and two is Barak Obama. HALLOWEEN IN NEW YORK IS SOOOO LAME. Josh, Claire, the Laurens and I went to catch a bit of the parade which seemed like a bad idea to begin with. Countless people participating in near nude debauchery just isn't my bag. However, Josh and I were lured by the prospects of millions of pieces of free candy. We envisioned people on floats with air cannons launching candy by the fistful into the crowd not unlike cheerleaders launching t-shirts into the crowd at some sporting event. WARNING: The Halloween Parade in NYC is a completely candy free. I Oh, there's plenty of disease, but absolutely no candy. REPEAT, NO CANDY! With Josh and my sugary dreams dashed upon the rocks we decided to return home, quite depressed. Then a certain sound began to ring in my ear, steel drums. This is one of my favorite instruments because its perpetual lively and happy sound, and so understandably I put my faith in these percussionists to cheer me up. A crowd began to gather and followed the marching musicians when out of nowhere they all started chanting "Obama! Obama! Obama!" to the steel drums in unison. Again it wasn't the fact that they were shouting Obama's name but that they were shouting about politics at all. If there's one thing that I can think of that Halloween isn't about it's politics. What it is about is candy. IT'S ALL ABOUT CANDY DAMMIT! And I got none. What I did get was a mobile Caribbean themed Obama rally.
So there you have it. The "Top 5's" of the good and the bad. Honestly this will probably be the last post made while I'm here. My parents arrive the day after tomorrow (which is AWESOME!) and then I leave in a week. Fear not though comrades, this blog doesn't exist in a vacuum, it spans all locations and times, hence it shant be laid to rest just yet.
Until next time kids and kitties (via California)...
With all of that well out of the way I can begin this post with a clear conscience. It's here! It has finally/regretfully arrived! My last week in NYC. I say finally/regretfully because I'm facing this stage in my life with quite mixed emotions. For one, New York is da bomb and I have really enjoyed my time here and will be honestly sad to leave it's monuments in concrete and steel. On the other hand, I miss California pretty bad. Friends, family, a certain young lady, pets, cars, smog, Christmas, heat, the sun, freeways, toll-ways, five dollar packs of cigarettes, graduating from college, Carl's Junior, Del Taco, the Hat, Jack in the Box, Arby's, INO (basically I miss all Ca. fast food more than my family. Just kidding. Kinda) and a slew of other things keep me quite excited about my homecoming. But despite how appealing all that stuff sounds part of me is hesitant. I guess I've just really made this place home in the last four months. This city and me are a great pair and fit together quite nicely. We've bonded. The last week has been a little rough, as weeks in the city often are, and I began to long for home with zeal. Yet, as this moment in time draws near I am having a slightly different response than what was to be expected. But alas, the time to leave has approached and a new dawn rises, a California dawn.
So turning to new things, with the bright lights of the city slowly fading in the periphery of my mind, I've decided to compile a list of the highlights and low-lights of the experience I've accrued in this urban jungle. In remembrance of my viewing of High Fidelity recently I've decided I'll make these "Top Five" lists. Here goes nothing.
"Top Five Great Highlights of Being in New York CIty, 2008"
5. When my girlfriend kicked a man who turned out to be Jay O. Sanders, better known as Ranch Wilder from Angels in the Outfield, on the subway. Upon this realization I proceeded to lose it completely. I couldn't believe it! Me, sitting across from Ranch! Ranch Wilder! "There's no way Chris is going to believe this," I thought out loud. This emotion however was quickly subdued when I remembered that he slid "spikes up" into Danny Glover's knee when they were in the miners and I realized I couldn't respect anybody who would commit such an cruel and blatant crime. I then remembered that Melody kicked him and I let out a silent sigh of relief. He had gotten what he deserved, swift vengeance.
4. Getting caught in a torrential downpour, more like a monsoon, on Lauren's 21st birthday. For one Leah was here which makes things awesome in general, and two we got nailed by this storm out of nowhere. We were all completely unprepared and spent a solid half an hour unprotected in the elements before deciding to head for shelter. We laughed, jumped, yelled, and I screamed my new catch phrase, "This is my city!" to the soggy night air. This was an exceptionally funny night because we invited my socially awkward, half Persian half leprechaun, roommate Ario along. He was not so excited about our plight and proceeded to complain quite a bit. (Now I realize that this may seem like a low-light moment but believe me it was really quite hilarious and enjoyable.) He took a step out of the subway and was instantly turned into a drowned rat. This was both our first and last hangout. Hilarious!!!
3. Seeing Jason Scwartzman in a cafe a block away from home and giving him a solid thumbs up. He had a hearty laugh and returned to his lentil soup only to turn around and chuckle again. So nice he laughed twice. I think we'll be great friends.
2. Spending a weekend in the city with my lovely girlfriend. We nearly froze to death walking around and I'm pretty positive that I got frostbite in central park but it was well worth it. I also had a beard for this visit which was AWESOME! (Sidebar, I still have said beard and it is still AWESOME!)
1. Having Pierre Bernard sit next to me on the subway, pissed, and reading a Stargate SG1 book. Many of you sentimentalists out there may be wondering, "How in the Hell does a Pierre sighting rank higher than a weekend with the girl?" It's all in the details friends. Let's say I had merely seen Pierre Bernard walking down the street. Consider perhaps that he just happened to sit next to me on the subway and that was all. Now such an experience would rank significantly lower, a position around 4 or 5. But that's simply not what happened. It was hardly so mundane. The fact of the matter is he didn't just sit next to me on the train, he dropped into his seat like a ton of bricks, looked over, was obviously furiously full of rage, and then looked back down at his SG1 book and proceeded to read it while huffing and puffing in his fury. Coincidence? I think not? Proof of God's existence? Duh! Peak position? I rest my case...
Now on to the "Top 5 Terrible Low-Lights of Being in New York City, 2008"
5. The fact that the election of Barak Obama was terrible here in New York has nothing to do with politics or even politicians. I mean I was intentionally indifferent going into this election but found myself pulling for Barak for history's sake. My position on the political spectrum is basically not at all on the political spectrum. So needless to say it was hard for me to nail down solid support for either candidates. No it wasn't horrible because Barak won, rather it was horrible because of the students living in my building. They decided to basically riot after the announcement was made. Thousands of students poured through the halls and into the streets, screaming bloody murder. This led to police being called which in turn led to sirens and bullhorns for hours, which finally led to my not getting any sleep. Miserable. It was less surprising that an African American was elected president of the U.S. then it was to see kids I thought were illiterate cavemen become so excited by politics. You'd think they made pot legal. Oh wait... I just solved the mystery, they think he'll make pot legal.
4. I saw the first ever Denali reunion show which one would think would be a definite positive. The show was great, but paying for it twice wasn't. I was meeting Donnie and Jon there under the assumption that the show started at 8. I bought my ticket and entered only to receive a call from Don informing me that the opener didn't even go on until 11. So I went out. No ins and outs. Bummed out. I then noticed that I had lost my cigarettes. They had fallen out of my pocket on the subway. Upon this realization I discovered that I had also lost my subway card which I needed to get home. Rock bottom? Bought another ticket for the show at a whopping 17.50 later. Left bought an $81 Metro card. Good thing Maura Davis was a fox or I would have put a bullet in my head for sures. Alas I did not.
3. Somehow this girl that works at the local Starbuck's got a strange crush/infatuation on/with me. I tried to be nice but she got more abrasive and creepy. She now somehow appears everywhere I go, like a lion out of the savannah tall grass. I thus have to sneak up to the window and scope it out to make sure she isn't working before I go into Buck's and try and get an Americano.
2. The other day was one of the worst days of my life let alone in New York. I ran around trying to get my photos for my art show printed and ended up having to go back and forth between my studio and B and H Photo 4 times. It cost me 95 bucks to print my pictures and they turned out terrible, unusable even. It was raining and my cigarette broke in half. I decided that a nice Subway sandwich would brighten my spirits. So I purchased a five dollar foot long and began the trek back to my room. En route a taxi pulled over and hit a puddle sending a tidal wave of gutter water crashing down upon me. I didn't even think that actually could happen. It's so cinematic, so cliche. But I was wrong, it does and did happen, to me. It couldn't have gotten much worse than that I think. At least the plastic bag covering my sandwich did its job, keeping my food dry so that a soggy human didn't have to eat a soggy meal. Thank God for plastic.
1. Low-lights one and five have a few things in common. One is massive amounts of idiotic people and two is Barak Obama. HALLOWEEN IN NEW YORK IS SOOOO LAME. Josh, Claire, the Laurens and I went to catch a bit of the parade which seemed like a bad idea to begin with. Countless people participating in near nude debauchery just isn't my bag. However, Josh and I were lured by the prospects of millions of pieces of free candy. We envisioned people on floats with air cannons launching candy by the fistful into the crowd not unlike cheerleaders launching t-shirts into the crowd at some sporting event. WARNING: The Halloween Parade in NYC is a completely candy free. I Oh, there's plenty of disease, but absolutely no candy. REPEAT, NO CANDY! With Josh and my sugary dreams dashed upon the rocks we decided to return home, quite depressed. Then a certain sound began to ring in my ear, steel drums. This is one of my favorite instruments because its perpetual lively and happy sound, and so understandably I put my faith in these percussionists to cheer me up. A crowd began to gather and followed the marching musicians when out of nowhere they all started chanting "Obama! Obama! Obama!" to the steel drums in unison. Again it wasn't the fact that they were shouting Obama's name but that they were shouting about politics at all. If there's one thing that I can think of that Halloween isn't about it's politics. What it is about is candy. IT'S ALL ABOUT CANDY DAMMIT! And I got none. What I did get was a mobile Caribbean themed Obama rally.
So there you have it. The "Top 5's" of the good and the bad. Honestly this will probably be the last post made while I'm here. My parents arrive the day after tomorrow (which is AWESOME!) and then I leave in a week. Fear not though comrades, this blog doesn't exist in a vacuum, it spans all locations and times, hence it shant be laid to rest just yet.
Until next time kids and kitties (via California)...
Thursday, October 2, 2008
On Sitting Next to My Favorite Random T.V. Personality on the Subway...
In light of the length of the last post I'll be brief. Today on the 2 3 train I sat next to Pierre Bernard of the "Pierre Bernard's Recliner of Rage" segment on Late Night with Conan O'brien. He looked pissed so I didn't say anything. He was reading a novel, Stargate Atlantis: Casualties of War. Greatest day of my life, greatest goddam day of my life.
"This is my city!"
The above quote is what I've started yelling in the midst of large crowds instead of "We're the cool kids!" Weirdly enough it gets about the same response as my previous catch phrase from those around me (both friends and strangers). All of you back home will be pleased to know that this saying will only be used by me while I reside here in NYC. Upon returning my previous slogan will be reinstated. I can't wait! Can you?
Until next time jongens en meisjes...
"This is my city!"
The above quote is what I've started yelling in the midst of large crowds instead of "We're the cool kids!" Weirdly enough it gets about the same response as my previous catch phrase from those around me (both friends and strangers). All of you back home will be pleased to know that this saying will only be used by me while I reside here in NYC. Upon returning my previous slogan will be reinstated. I can't wait! Can you?
Until next time jongens en meisjes...
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
On the Unintelligible Speech of Others (Tips For Understanding) and the Unifying Power of Ultra-violent Epic War Films...
I've recently noticed that these blog postings have been taking on a certain repeating style and subject matter. Basically, I take a seemingly mundane and somewhat humorous anecdote from my adventures in this Big Apple and then more or less put to print my general thoughts about said subject, elaborating on the topic in some way. This update will be no different. As they say (who they is I'm not positive... "I" is they in this case I guess)... So as they (I) say, "If it aint broke don't fix it!" Oh rest assured, I shant.
Anywhoodle...
This week I have been hit over the head repeatedly with the most challenging problem I've been faced with while living in New York, that is, understanding anything that comes out of the mouth of this city's inhabitants. Now, I'm not talking about "understanding" on a more metaphorical level. It's not as if everybody I speak with, which I must say is rare to begin with, says something so complex and intelligent that I can't grasp what they are getting at. No, it's really understanding at it's most base level, meaning I literally can't determine what words are coming out of the speaker's mouth. I don't know what it is or why it happens so frequently, but nine times out of ten I find myself completely dumbfounded by people's speech and end up asking myself, "What the hell did that guy (or girl) just say?" To make it more clear I'll draw on an example from Scripture. It's like you're standing in this crowd of people listening to the disciples preach after the Pentecost. Only, instead of hearing foreign languages you hear them speaking a strange hybrid mutation of your own. You inquisitively ask your buddy Josiah, "What the hell'd that guy Peter just say?" He replies, "Huh? Oh I don't know." Thus, instead of being able to hear what is being said and being amazed at the content, you become distracted and can only understand enough to know that it's in some weird way your native tongue being used and you therefore can only be amazed at how badly somebody could twist, garble, mangle and butcher it. That's exactly what I experience everyday. Thank God the Holy Spirit knew what it was doing, huh?
[For the real story see The Acts of the Apostles Chapter 2]
Perhaps it has something to do my frequent visits to fast food restaurants these days ( Wendy's in particular suffers greatest from this language plague for some reason). I know this because during a similar period of increased fast food consumption back home I encountered this peculiar situation with Chris, at a Wendy's no less. Luckily one of Chris' spiritual gifts, among many others, is interpretation of jumbled fast food tongues and he quickly replied, "That's alright, we don't need a cup-holder, thanks," when all I heard was, "Wancha cuptchtoholyer?"
Allow me to indulge you with a more recent example of this phenomena. A few days ago after a sterling and very free Calexico show, again at Wendy's, Josh and I stood in line waiting to order a few deliciously square patty'd treats when the fellow behind the counter, let's call him Jamal, stepped forward to help us. Here is what took place:
Jamal- "Can I hellswon?"
Josh and I- ::Puzzled::
Jamal- ::Looking at us:: "Can I hellswon?"
Josh and I- ::Wonder if he's talking to us::
Jamal- ::Drawing out his words to be understood more clearly:: "Caaaaan IIIII Heellllssswwon?"
Josh and I- ::Looking at each other with bewilderment::
Josh- "Is he talking to us?"
I (Me)- "I think so, but I don't know what he is saying."
Jamal- ::Becoming angry:: "Mah I hellswon?"
I (Me)- "Okay he must be talking to us."
Jamal- ::Points at us then the register while saying:: "MAHHH IIII HELLLSWWWON!!!!"
Josh and I- ::Realizing he is trying to say "Can I help someone?" and "May I help someone?" we step up to the reg."
Josh and I had a real good laugh then ordered and proceeded to watch this exact scenario played out no joke 15 times, leading to greater and more uproarious laughter. I was most amazed that Jamal never got more frustrated with people than he did with us. He must have had an an anger governor that kicked in at a certain point. Either that or it was a bit he devised to make himself laugh when he got home after a hard day's work at Ol' *Dave's Place (*Dave Thomas). If this is the case he got us, and at least the 15 customers after us, damn good.
Perhaps you've had a similar encounter and have been at a loss for what to do and how to better understand what is being said to you. If that is the case I offer you these simple steps...
1. Take a good survey of your surroundings and contextualize what might be being said. (If we made good notice of the fact that we were in line at a Wendy's it may have shed some light on the situation.)
2. Be patient.
3. Don't be too quick to jump to a conclusion. It would be foolish, not to mention embarrassing, to arrive at a wrong conclusion in your frantic search to make sense of the speaker. (Example: "Wancha cuptchtoholyer?" "Uhhhh... Sure, I want to cup your boulders!" Talk about foot in the mouth. Not only will you not get a possibly much needed "cup-holder" but you basically just implied that the drive through employee was soliciting you for sex. Uh oh!
4. Lastly, give the person a break. It would be easy to become frustrated or even angered by such a situation but after serving people all damn day don't they deserve to be cut some slack. I thought so.
Follow these basic principles and you'll be well on your way to interpreting all sorts of confusing phrases. Let's try it out together.
Setting: China Town
Plot: A man follows you around holding a piece of paper and pulling your shirt saying "Haaaaahbag, haaaaahbag, haaaaahbag..."
Let's be patient, give the guy a break, not jump to conclusions, and realize that we are in fact in China Town.
Aha! He is obviously saying "Handbag, handbag, handbag."
"No sir, I would not like a handbag!!!"
We did it!!! Congratulations us!
Other practical applications include: Street vendors, cab drivers, urban kids who overuse 80's lingo including but not limited to the word "mad" (similar to the Disco deal but with words [See "On the Death of Disco..."]), babies, people on the subway, people who work at Subway, and people who are on your elevator who sound exactly like Mickey from Snatch (actually I'm not sure anything could help anybody understand this guy.
That's that. I hope in some way that helped.
In other news, my roommate and I have returned to speaking to each other after a viewing of Gladiator. Nothing says male camaraderie like watching overly brutal scenes of dismemberment. Our dialogue it did exist, albeit briefly, while discussing many a pressing topic brought up by watching Ridley Scott's take on the fall of the Pax Romana. I know this is a small victory but it's a step in the right direction. If things go according to plan we'll have our first real "bit" by December. Fingers crossed!
That's all she wrote (or he). Sorry in advance for the length of this post. Although by the time you read this far the aforementioned apology will no longer be in advance. Oh well, can't say I didn't try.
Until next time ragazzi e ragazze...
Anywhoodle...
This week I have been hit over the head repeatedly with the most challenging problem I've been faced with while living in New York, that is, understanding anything that comes out of the mouth of this city's inhabitants. Now, I'm not talking about "understanding" on a more metaphorical level. It's not as if everybody I speak with, which I must say is rare to begin with, says something so complex and intelligent that I can't grasp what they are getting at. No, it's really understanding at it's most base level, meaning I literally can't determine what words are coming out of the speaker's mouth. I don't know what it is or why it happens so frequently, but nine times out of ten I find myself completely dumbfounded by people's speech and end up asking myself, "What the hell did that guy (or girl) just say?" To make it more clear I'll draw on an example from Scripture. It's like you're standing in this crowd of people listening to the disciples preach after the Pentecost. Only, instead of hearing foreign languages you hear them speaking a strange hybrid mutation of your own. You inquisitively ask your buddy Josiah, "What the hell'd that guy Peter just say?" He replies, "Huh? Oh I don't know." Thus, instead of being able to hear what is being said and being amazed at the content, you become distracted and can only understand enough to know that it's in some weird way your native tongue being used and you therefore can only be amazed at how badly somebody could twist, garble, mangle and butcher it. That's exactly what I experience everyday. Thank God the Holy Spirit knew what it was doing, huh?
[For the real story see The Acts of the Apostles Chapter 2]
Perhaps it has something to do my frequent visits to fast food restaurants these days ( Wendy's in particular suffers greatest from this language plague for some reason). I know this because during a similar period of increased fast food consumption back home I encountered this peculiar situation with Chris, at a Wendy's no less. Luckily one of Chris' spiritual gifts, among many others, is interpretation of jumbled fast food tongues and he quickly replied, "That's alright, we don't need a cup-holder, thanks," when all I heard was, "Wancha cuptchtoholyer?"
Allow me to indulge you with a more recent example of this phenomena. A few days ago after a sterling and very free Calexico show, again at Wendy's, Josh and I stood in line waiting to order a few deliciously square patty'd treats when the fellow behind the counter, let's call him Jamal, stepped forward to help us. Here is what took place:
Jamal- "Can I hellswon?"
Josh and I- ::Puzzled::
Jamal- ::Looking at us:: "Can I hellswon?"
Josh and I- ::Wonder if he's talking to us::
Jamal- ::Drawing out his words to be understood more clearly:: "Caaaaan IIIII Heellllssswwon?"
Josh and I- ::Looking at each other with bewilderment::
Josh- "Is he talking to us?"
I (Me)- "I think so, but I don't know what he is saying."
Jamal- ::Becoming angry:: "Mah I hellswon?"
I (Me)- "Okay he must be talking to us."
Jamal- ::Points at us then the register while saying:: "MAHHH IIII HELLLSWWWON!!!!"
Josh and I- ::Realizing he is trying to say "Can I help someone?" and "May I help someone?" we step up to the reg."
Josh and I had a real good laugh then ordered and proceeded to watch this exact scenario played out no joke 15 times, leading to greater and more uproarious laughter. I was most amazed that Jamal never got more frustrated with people than he did with us. He must have had an an anger governor that kicked in at a certain point. Either that or it was a bit he devised to make himself laugh when he got home after a hard day's work at Ol' *Dave's Place (*Dave Thomas). If this is the case he got us, and at least the 15 customers after us, damn good.
Perhaps you've had a similar encounter and have been at a loss for what to do and how to better understand what is being said to you. If that is the case I offer you these simple steps...
1. Take a good survey of your surroundings and contextualize what might be being said. (If we made good notice of the fact that we were in line at a Wendy's it may have shed some light on the situation.)
2. Be patient.
3. Don't be too quick to jump to a conclusion. It would be foolish, not to mention embarrassing, to arrive at a wrong conclusion in your frantic search to make sense of the speaker. (Example: "Wancha cuptchtoholyer?" "Uhhhh... Sure, I want to cup your boulders!" Talk about foot in the mouth. Not only will you not get a possibly much needed "cup-holder" but you basically just implied that the drive through employee was soliciting you for sex. Uh oh!
4. Lastly, give the person a break. It would be easy to become frustrated or even angered by such a situation but after serving people all damn day don't they deserve to be cut some slack. I thought so.
Follow these basic principles and you'll be well on your way to interpreting all sorts of confusing phrases. Let's try it out together.
Setting: China Town
Plot: A man follows you around holding a piece of paper and pulling your shirt saying "Haaaaahbag, haaaaahbag, haaaaahbag..."
Let's be patient, give the guy a break, not jump to conclusions, and realize that we are in fact in China Town.
Aha! He is obviously saying "Handbag, handbag, handbag."
"No sir, I would not like a handbag!!!"
We did it!!! Congratulations us!
Other practical applications include: Street vendors, cab drivers, urban kids who overuse 80's lingo including but not limited to the word "mad" (similar to the Disco deal but with words [See "On the Death of Disco..."]), babies, people on the subway, people who work at Subway, and people who are on your elevator who sound exactly like Mickey from Snatch (actually I'm not sure anything could help anybody understand this guy.
That's that. I hope in some way that helped.
In other news, my roommate and I have returned to speaking to each other after a viewing of Gladiator. Nothing says male camaraderie like watching overly brutal scenes of dismemberment. Our dialogue it did exist, albeit briefly, while discussing many a pressing topic brought up by watching Ridley Scott's take on the fall of the Pax Romana. I know this is a small victory but it's a step in the right direction. If things go according to plan we'll have our first real "bit" by December. Fingers crossed!
That's all she wrote (or he). Sorry in advance for the length of this post. Although by the time you read this far the aforementioned apology will no longer be in advance. Oh well, can't say I didn't try.
Until next time ragazzi e ragazze...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
